From the moment I had clicked the green “Publish” button after completing my first post until this very moment, I had been debating and drafting different topics for this new post. The task of constantly brainstorming, creating, and writing did not seem too daunting when I had first decided to create this blog (but then again, this was literally a spur of the moment action), but now that the deed is done and the idea is now a reality, I feel a little frazzled. When I really think about it, though, this isn’t something new. In fact, I had kind of expected this feeling to come. Maybe not as soon as it did, though, but again, I’m not really surprised.
How did I expect this to happen? Well, I’ll let you all in on a little secret of mine. Ready?
I suffer from an extreme case of indecisiveness.
*Gasp!* Really?! Yes, you’ve heard right. Indecisiveness. No, I’m not joking…okay, I may be joking a little…but nonetheless, it has kind of molded me into the person I currently am today. I’m not entirely sure when this all began. All I know is that I was always the person who easily went along with anyone’s suggestions and ideas. If given the task to decide something, that person would immediately regret that decision the second I start my “umm”-ing and “ahh”-ing. Believe me, it has happened so many times I have lost count. You can ask any of my family members or closest friends who have dealt with me trying to decide on anything.
But honestly, I’m down for anything. (& when I say “anything”, that does not include illegal activities, sky diving, scary movies, haunted houses, or the Tower of Terror ride at Disney World) However, the moment someone asks me to decide on something, I immediately go full-panic mode. The idea of choosing something is such a terrifying task for me. What if this person doesn’t like what I suggest? What if that person doesn’t want to eat at this restaurant? What if this person thinks this activity is lame? Going along with what others suggest is an easier task for all parties involved when it comes to anything with me.
Lately, though, I have been dealing with decisions that are trying to crack through that brick wall of indecisiveness that has been built around my brain for 23 years of my life. Some of those decisions are purposely given to me by people who are familiar with my horrible history. These are seemingly simple options usually relating to friends – Where do you want to eat? Do you want to hang out? Where do you want to hang out? What day would be good? Although that choice of giving me options is quickly regretted one second later, I have been surprising people with voicing my decisions and opinions fairly quickly compared to what I usually do. Other situations, though, have been related to people unfamiliar with this part of my life. Most of these frazzled feelings, I’ve realized, are related to my current dating situation whenever he asks me to decide on our dates. I feel this is definitely because I am not 100% familiar with him yet…but that story shall be saved for another blog post 😉
Well…would you look at that? From not knowing what to write in this post to writing this post solely on the fact that I cannot make decisions! For an amateur blogger, I am utterly pleased with myself. Hopefully deciding on topics will come easier with time…
Me ke aloha,