Wow. I cannot believe I am sitting here typing out this letter. Although the year has once again flew by quickly, I cannot help but feel that this year has dragged on ever so slowly as well. But yet here I am today, one day until the beginning of a brand new year. As one chapter ends and a new one begins, I wanted to take some time to really reflect upon the year.
Thank you, 2018, for teaching me so many valuable lessons this year. Although there have been so many valuable lessons learned this year, there was an overlaying theme – finding the balance between everything. As I took on this year, especially towards the end of the year, I realized just how unbalanced my life is at the moment:
- I took on many jobs, volunteering, and numerous hula performances this year – but I forgot to take time to take care of myself when I needed to rest both physically and mentally/emotionally.
- I spent so much time working and building up my resume – but I forgot to schedule time to play as well.
- I got so frustrated when things went wrong and when I had bad days teaching – but I forgot this is only my first year teaching. I forgot about all the small victories throughout each day.
- I tried to solve all my problems and frustrations by myself, and my feeling of burdening others with what I felt were small issues closed me up – but I forgot about my friends, family, and other loved ones. They love me and were placed in my life for a reason. I need to remember that they’ll never feel I am a burden to them.
- I wasted so much time pining over people who I thought could be “The One” – but I forgot to not depend solely on the attention of others in order to see my worth, especially when it comes to love. I forgot to see that love within myself – the main reason why 2018 was deemed as an important year for myself when the year first began.
When 2017 ended and 2018 began, the main goal I had was to finally focus on myself and seriously take care of myself physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. On this last day of 2018, I find myself questioning if I actually did that.
- Did I take care of myself physically? – I started the year off continuing physical therapy for my neck and back, but once I stopped PT, I slowly stopped doing the exercises with it. I haven’t done much besides hula and Tahitian practices/performances, but then again, that’s pretty much the norm for myself.
- Did I take care of myself mentally? – The year began on a high note as I was determined to make 2018 my year. However, I found myself questioning myself and my abilities, especially when my new teaching job came into play this year. Seeing all the things that went wrong really played with my head, especially when I started comparing myself to others. It truly took a toll on me, especially with so many things on my plate this year. I hate ending the year mentally drained, but unfortunately that’s how this year is ending for me.
- Did I take care of myself emotionally? – Tracking my emotions this year in my Year in Pixels chart made me open my eyes to see how much I allow the things that happen in my life – especially the negative aspects of it – affect my emotions. I realized how much I allow those negative emotions to linger within me and how much it hampers my mood. I especially let the smallest things really get to the best of me, which is a habit I will work on breaking this coming year.
- Did I take care of myself spiritually? – I found my faith shaking and my spirits fading especially towards the end of the year, especially with news happening within my family. I questioned why horrible things had to happen to good people. I questioned why sicknesses had to be a part of what the world is. However, I keep remembering that God has His reasons for everything, and I shouldn’t question His plan. If this is what is in His plan, then there must be a good reason for it.
As I look back upon this year, I am nowhere near where I want to be right now. However, I have truly learned, experienced, and grown so much this year. I am a stronger, happier person than who I was in 2017. Although I am not satisfied with who I am right now, I still love the person I am today.
I love who I am today…that took a lot of growing, changing, and accepting for me to proudly admit that this year after what I had gone through the past couple of years. I am proud of where I’m at right now, and I am proud that there is still room for me to grow. (maybe not in height, but still room for growth nonetheless)
2018 has been an interesting year. It may not have been The Year for myself, but it definitely was the stepping stone to an even better 2019.
Mahalo, 2018, for all of your lessons, memories, and blessings. I am thrilled to close out this chapter and start the next chapter on a high note!
Me ke aloha,