Happy Thursday! It’s almost Friday! 🙂
I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve listened to Ariana Grande’s newest single, “Thank U, Next,” too many times on repeat today or if it’s the fact that today was a rough day, but on this eighth day of thanks, in the words of the catchy chorus, “I’m so f****** grateful for my ex.”
I’ve been through two relationships – one in high school and one in college. As I lay here in bed reflecting upon these two relationships (which I’ve honestly buried huge chunks of each in the brinks of my mind over time), I give Ariana Grande major props for writing a whole song thanking each of her ex boyfriends/fiancé and sharing that with the whole world because I’m feeling quite awkward just writing a blog post to the limited audience I have in this blog! However, her song has inspired me to really reflect upon the past and really take the time to thank them for all the lessons learned.
To my previous boyfriends – thank you for loving me during those points of my life. When the relationship began to go sour (and eventually disintegrated), I went through such an array of emotions. I felt pain. I felt sadness. I felt anger. I had questioned the whole relationship and wondered if you had truly meant all the things you had told me and all the feelings you once had for me. I questioned the smiles, the laughter, the long phone calls, the inside jokes. I wondered if the relationship was even real.
As time went by and I truly reflected upon the relationship, I realized you were placed in my life for a reason. You’ve been with me through the good times and supported me through the bad times – which when I truly think about it, you were each placed in my life around some of the roughest moments of my life so far. You showed me that even a shy, nerdy girl like myself could have a chance at being in love and share that experience with someone I truly cared about. You taught me how to be vulnerable and to not be afraid of that vulnerability knowing you were by my side along the way. Some of my happiest moments were shared with you. Some of my favorite and most precious moments of my life are moments I’ve had with you. Thank you for all the good memories.
However, some of my most heart-shattering moments were also caused by you. The deepest wounds and the most painful bruises were from you. I had spent how many sleepless nights crying endless tears into my pillow because of you, and I had wondered for a great period of time if I would ever recover from the pain…if I would ever find the strength to move on and carry myself with dignity and pride once more without you by my side.
I wondered if I would ever fall in love like that again.
Over time, I have grown from the pain and learned to love my life again without you in the picture. I’ve learned my lessons from all that pain and sadness. I am truly happy once more, and for that, I am also thankful for you.
So here’s to you, my exes. I hope you have been doing well, and I wish you all the best.
Me ke aloha,